Dec 10, 2010
ivey "rainell" intro
first time painting with SAI. i admit, i wasn't too happy when i drew this. since the beginning of the month, its been really rough.
hey. its ok to admit. sometimes we all get sick of living. sometimes we just want to temporarily stop. just temporarily. it can be a burden to wake up and face a day when you realize that YOU yourself is that great burden.
and what reason do i have not to be happy? i'm greatful for many things. i seek solace in God.
but these feelings, i really can't help. its just the way it is if you have bipolar depression for 10 years
and yet i've always been seeking comfort in art since i was 14. i come up with great ideas while coping with stress and depression. some of them happy. some of them dark. and i always seem to have an obsession with inserting God in everything. from sephirot images to cruxifictions. drawing this made me feel much better. i can't seem to remember what's been making me sad either. eventually, wanting to bring my ideas alive became one of the main things that prevented me pulling that trigger.
but sometimes we just need a trigger to bring us alive.
i was listening to korn while painting, which i haven't listened to since highschool. gosh i feel like an emo teenager